I Call It: "Boy Meets World Syndrome"

Boy Meets World Syndrome: An Analysis

Contracted by:

• Watching 90's sitcoms or PG/PG-13 movies with plot lines set in the "modern" American home. But mostly 90's sitcoms.

Timetable:

• Curable symptoms are exhibited after 5 to 6 years of exposure to sitcoms. Symptoms become more acute when the subject is exposed during the impressionable middle-school years. Subject becomes unstable when exposed to 90's sitcoms in conjunction with 90's pop music (Seal, Early Britney, Foo Fighters, Ricky Martin, Third Eye Blind etc.)

Symptoms:

• Belief that all people of the same sex exist under the following categories: "Best Friend", "Enemy", or "Extra".

• Belief that all people of the opposite sex must exist under following categories: "Pining weirdo", "Jerk", "Crush" "Boy/Girlfriend", "Friend-That-I-Always-Wonder-About-Being-With", or "Extra".

• Belief that any person that falls under the category of "Best Friend" must be there for the subject at all times. If a problem should occur between the two, (e.g. "You didn't want to talk to that boy/girl for me." or "You can't date that boy/girl because I wanted to date him/her."..etc.) it must be solved within a thirty minute period. Special circumstances might call for a two-part series.

• Belief that dating is, and can only be, working toward a sustainable monogamous relationship. This will undoubtedly lead to the panicked "Is this a date?" internal monologue while hanging out with a "Crush". Rather than a healthy way to form boundaries and explore traits that the subject will search for in a later mate, this "black or white" pattern of dating will result in only four outcomes;

1. Rejection of the subject outright, which will undoubtedly turn into some episode centered on self-esteem.
2. A rejection of the "Crush" because once attainable, the mystery and accompanied drama are gone, resulting in a devaluation of the relationship.
3. A Type-1 Relationship: One where the subject does not enjoy being with the "Crush" in a monogamous relationship, but because of an innumerated amount of social pressures, feels as if she/he cannot leave.
4. A Type-2 Relationship: One where the subject and the "Crush" are in a monogamous happy relationship that will undoubtedly last many seasons, until they get married.
   

• Subconscious understanding that an existence without drama is an existence not worth living. Exhibited by one or a more of the following;

1. Subject feels compelled to push "best friends" into validating response of black and white. (e.g. "Ugh...I can't believe she wore that after she *knew* I had just bought that." or "Dude, you know he can't play baseball, he's an avid loner with a mysterious past. Don't invite him over here." etc...)
2. Subject feels the need to size up self-worth at or below another, again focusing on absolutes. (e.g. "I might be an idiot, but at least I don't look like that!" or "All those dumb popular types, at least I'm smart and don't fall into following the crowd!" etc...)
3. Interacting with "best friends" in a way that promises to deliver results. (e.g. " Person X hangs out in crowd Y...I know person X maybe I can squeeze my way in there."

Cure:

• Unfortunately, most subjects that have exhibited one or more of the symptoms are at risk of repeated exhibition for the rest of their life. A dose of self-examination or conscious consideration of self-worth or happiness everyday at least twice a day should decrease social drama. If problems persists, however, subject might be suffering from ABMWS (Acute Boy Meets World Syndrome) and should consider help from close friends, relatives or a professional for help creating an accurate appraisal of one's social strengths and weakness.